Love and Reason
by RockinAwesome
Summary: The saying "Love makes you crazy" isn't too far off with Bella. She isn't deranged, but she's...conflicted. She knows exactly what she wants, but she doesn't know how to get it... Read! And Review! Please!
1. Bella the Spork

**Alright! I am starting another new story. This one is based off of personal experience and do not ask. Guys are stupid and I will leave it at that. **

**I will try to put a poem/quote/song that goes with the mood/chapter I have. This isn't much to begin with and usually my chapters are a lot longer than this, but I wanted to try something new! Bloop Bloop! Sorry, had a moment, okay, better! Now, you have to read and review, because I need to know what my readers think. I have to. I feed off of it. I do. **

**Any questions? Review. Any comments? Review. Wanna know what the things on the end of you shoelaces are called? Review. Anything? Review.**

**In other words...Review! **

"_Though you have never possessed me_

_I have belonged to you since the beginning of time…."_

_-Mina Loy "One O'Clock at Night"_

I hate it. Hate it with everything I have, but I can't stay away. It's like that light that makes you woozy if you stare at it too long, but that wooziness isn't that bad. Well, isn't as bad as it could be. It could be worse. I could be head over heels. I'm more like head over…kneecaps. Yeah, kneecaps. Not heels. Maybe just mid-thigh. Head over heels is crazy. But…he doesn't know. And he doesn't feel the same.

That's what I think.

Everyone else has their own opinions, but what teenage world wouldn't have biases and opinions? Here is no exception. Here is exactly the same as any other small town. Forks is…cutlery. There's the plastic variety that are made of this material that won't change, slip, or sag for hundreds of years, there's the metal kind that's strong, with exotic designs, but make scraping noises when they hit your plate, and then there's the kind that look like metal, but are really plastic. I hate that kind. They can't make up their mind. They don't want to have the odd designs that put them into the "metal" category, but they don't want to be labeled as "plastic" although they really are. You're plastic! Act like it!

I'm not plastic. I'm not metal.

I'm more like a…spork.

I'm Bella.

I'm Bella the spork. Sounds like a kid's show.

He's not plastic. But he's not metal. He's _definitely_ not a spork. But…he fits with the plastic cutlery, and somewhat with the metal utensils. What is he? He's some kind of eating object, but I can't figure out what it is.

He's Edward.

Edward the…I don't know. And that doesn't bother me? That he's not in a category? He's just Edward. That's his excuse for everything. "He's Edward." "Oh, that's just Edward." "Silly, Edward."

And he's my best friend.

This isn't one of those sappy love scenarios, but more a tale of wanting what you can't have. No, more of what you can have, but you can't at the same time.

Get it?

Neither do I.

**Soo....? Whatcha think? It's sort of a cliffhanger if you shake your head, squint, and turn out the lights, but it's all I could do right now. My Buddy wanted me to post this story so...I am. I had to get to it because I have been a bit preoccupied. So? Should I continue? Review!**


	2. Christmas Sweaters

**Alrighty, here's my second chapter. Thanks for the ZERO reviews. I appreciated every last none of them! He he. See, my play on words?! Sorry, had a moment. Well, here's chapter two and I think it's pretty good. No, it doesn't have much to do with the plot, but I am getting there. And who knows, maybe a few hints were thrown in here to confuse you? -hints hints- -coughs- -nudges elbow- -winks- **

**Enjoy...**

"_1. Don't see him. Don't phone or write a letter._

_2. The easy way: Get to know him better."_

_-Wendy Cope "Two Cures for Love"_

"Bella! Bella! BELLA!" Edward's voice echoed through the crowded hallway of Forks High School as it called after me.

I could keep walking, I thought. I could take a phone call, run into the rain, or disappear into the woods, I also thought. Why can't any of my thought be realistic? "Yes, Edward?"

"You have to help me," his breath came out in heaves as he came to stand where I had stopped in the hall.

"No I don't," I said defiantly. People were beginning to file around us and Edward would occasionally get pushed this way and that.

"Please, Bella. We don't have much time," his gaze would jerk over both shoulders.

"We have lots of time. Oodles of time. Time is every—" Edward grabbed my arm, cutting me off mid-sentence, into a remote section of the hallway where most couples went to have some "alone time." He held his finger over my lips and looked down at me with more intensity than I had seen for some time. Well…ever. The last time I ever saw him remotely upset was when he almost knocked some tenth grader's lights out for stealing his Ipod out of his gym bag, but even then he only glared.

"Hush!" he chided.

I stayed shushed, my head backed up against the wall and his index finger, cold and clammy, still on my lips. Edward didn't run away from anything. Ever. Not even when his mother, Esme, came in with matching Christmas sweaters for him and Emmett. He walked right up to Esme, hugged her neck, told her he loved her, and wore that sweater for the rest of the day. Can't say the same for Emmett, but the ninth grader stuffed in his locker for two hours said it was very warm. The ninth grader mouthed off to him. The locker was his punishment.

Edward relinquished his grip from my head, but his eyes were still locked on mine. I could swim in those eyes. Normally, I would never, in a million years, want to swim in anything remotely green, but his eyes made green seem so…inviting. I knew he wasn't thinking the same thing, because swimming in my eyes would be like swimming in a pool of—

"Bella, please," his voice was still barely above a whisper.

Edward's hand was still above my shoulder and resting on the wall behind me, "Why did you pull me here?"

He immediately dropped his hands to his sides, but still stayed unusually close. Fine with me. "To get away."

"From what?" I looked out into the hall adjoining the nook, and the only person walking away was a tenth grader named Veronica. The only way I knew who she was because she set off the metal detectors at the mall every time she went. With her piercings. She was a little…huskier than most girls and her black hair was parted on the side and stuck to her head with some substance that could fry an egg if it got hot enough, but her face—or the half that was exposed beneath the hair—wasn't that bad. "It's only Veronica," I hissed.

"Exactly!" Edward looked out to see if the coast was clear, and he grabbed my arm and dragged me into the parking lot. Both of us had free period now, so we walked out to his Volvo.

As soon as the doors closed on the Volvo and the music flooded the air, Edward began speaking again. "She's in love with me."

I had to work extra hard to stifle my laughter. The last any of us heard, Veronica wasn't exactly into guys. She had lots of girlfriends…in more ways than one. I couldn't take it any longer and the sputters that had been evidence of me trying to hold it in became booming laughs that had me shrieking and gasping for air.

"I'm serious, Bella."

"So," gasp, "am," shriek, "I!" gasp and shriek.

My head was tilted toward the dash as I laughed, but I felt firm hands grab both sides of my face, and pull them toward the driver's side. That stopped my laughter immediately. "Bella," the words came out with a rush of breath again.

He was definitely not making this easy, "Can I help you?" I felt a lot weaker than my words sounded. If I had stood up, I would have definitely collapsed. I had mastered the art of appearing not to care. After a year of liking Edward Cullen, and having him be your best friend, all the while wanting more, but being too afraid to say anything, can make nonchalance easier than it appeared.

He dropped his hands, leaving my head in the same downward position, "Yes you can. I was afraid you'd never ask."

"What do you want, Edward?" He never asked for favors, and when he did, they usually weren't the usual, can-I-borrow-your-pencil favors. They usually were the I-accidentally-opened-the-president's-mail-and-now-the-secret-service-is-after-me-so-can-you-get-me-a-new-identity favors. No, that one hadn't happened yet, but I had the kit in the back of my truck just in case.

"Veronica. She loves me. Don't laugh. She kind of scares me a bit, and Emmett had a great idea—"

"Emmett?"

"Yes, is there a problem?"

I nodded my head at Edward's naïve attitude. "Yes. Emmett. Idea. Problem."

"It's a good one for a change."

I stared at him with my award-winning that's-a-load-of-crap-but-go-on looks.

"And..." he drew the word out longer than was necessary, "the plan consisted of you telling her you're my girlfriend," he finished the last part in a rush, knowing how I would react.

At first I just stared at his face, which had that stupid crooked grin that normally worked at getting him whatever he wanted. Not me. Slowly, his grin faded into more of a pleading gaze.

"Why me?"

"You're the only one who'd go along with it. You're crazy."

"Yes, I am crazy, but that crazy is like I don't mind getting a pie thrown in my face crazy, not mess with the manliest chick in Forks crazy." My hands ran through my hair, not knowing if I had a way out of getting pulverized, "Correction, that's not crazy, that's insane!"

Then we had one of our famous staring contests that Alice found to be a big time waster. Alice was my best girl friend, and she knew how I felt about Edward. She figured it out before I did. She noticed how much alike Edward and I were, and she pointedly told us every chance she got. She said our staring contests were cute, a little creepy, and one more way proving Edward liked me.

I internally debated if Veronica could speak English, but then remembered she cursed out the Art teacher when she said black wasn't a color, but the absence of light. Not a real trigger for me, but it set her off. She knew more words than I did. I shook my head, ridding the vulgarity and volume she reached from my mind. "So, Emmett thinks that I, little old me, Bella, should go and talk to five-foot-nine Veronica, who tried out for the football team, and tell her that this guy she supposedly loves is in fact my boyfriend?"

Edward just stared at me again. Apparently he was still in the game.

I blinked. "There."

"Ha! I win!" he exclaimed and closed his eyes and rubbed them to get the moisture back in them.

"Am I right?"

He continued rubbing, "Yeah, that's about right."

"You're not worried about my safety?"

"Nah, you can take her."

"My morals?"

"Not implemented here."

"My body?" I knew he had a soft spot for me. I knew he thought I was hot, and maybe his precious looking object would peak his interest.

He scanned me up and down, putting his hand on his chin, "Don't get hurt."

"So you see no problem with this?"

"Bella. Trust me. Emmett thought this out."

"Like he thought out sledding off of the roof?"

We remembered the time Emmett took one of those circular sleds and decided to sled off their garage roof, but the weight from his massive frame putting a hole right above Alice's car. Emmett landed on the hood of her yellow Porsche, and put a dent the size of…well…him in the hood. Alice chased him with a knife, but Carlisle decided Emmett would have to pay to fix the roof and the car. That was two winters ago and Emmett was still paying it off. "No, not like that. But, in his defense, it looked completely stable."

I glared only to prove my point further.

"You'll be fine."

Edward looked so honest and sincere. He was lazy, I had to admit, but it couldn't be that bad. Right?

**Who thinks Bella is going to get pulverized? Who thinks Edward is going to save her? Who pictured Emmett crashing through the roof and hitting Alice's car and her chasing him with a knife? I have to admit, I did picture the last one....Hehe. Review! **


	3. So you stole my lunch?

**Alright, I don't remember how long it's been since I updated, but it doesn't matter does it? No, it doesn't. It doesn't matter because I have NO reviews for this story. And it's good. I know it is. I write good stuff. Look around my stories. Yeah, I told you. HA! So, that means you have to review. You have to. **

**Enjoy...Well...the few of you who actually READ! -pouts off- **

"_True love. Is it normal,_

_Is it serious, is it practical?_

………_.._

_True love. Is it really necessary?"_

_-Waslawa Szymborska "True Love"_

I've put it off for two days now, and Edward's persistent stares, pokes, nods, winks, and winces haven't made my epic cave-in any easier to come to terms with.

I have to face Veronica.

Today.

Alone.

"Go ahead. Do it!" Emmett said as he pushed me through the hall to the place where he told Veronica I would meet her at 12:30. He said I "wanted to talk." I don't want to talk. I have nothing against her; she could find the cure to cancer, but this wasn't the circumstance I wanted. Ever.

"You do it!" I hissed as I made my way through the empty hall. Everyone, every possible witness to my demise, was at lunch, and I was no match for Emmett when it came to if he wanted something done. He was…oh…200 something, and I'm….oh…120 something. Not much of a matchup.

"Veronica isn't in love with _me_!" he hissed back, still pushing.

"Why doesn't Edward do his own dirty work, then?"

"Edward's lazy, and plus, this plan is foolproof. Edward will be in the hall behind Veronica. He'll see and hear everything, and he had EMS on standby."

I stopped and turned to stare at Emmett with wide and weary eyes, "Emmett!"

He stopped pushing and held his hands up in defense, "I'm kidding. Only kidding. Now, you have like a minute, so…any last words?"

"Tell Alice she can have my clothes and she's been the best friend I could ever have," I sniffled. Alice had known about this little arrangement and she said it would be good for me. She discussed it with Emmett and he said it would be perfectly safe, and Alice amounted it to Edward and I having some alone time. Alone time! Really! There won't be much alone time when I get a face-full of fist!

"You wanted to talk to me?" I heard a voice come from behind me. I said a quick prayer, preparing to turn around, but she was in front of me when I opened my eyes. "Why are your eyes closed?"

"I have itchy contacts," I nodded excitedly, the anxiety of my death evident in my tone.

She shifted her weight from foot to foot, "You wanted to tell me you have itchy contacts?"

People only shift from side to side when they're nervous. Right? "No, uh…I wanted to talk to you because—"

"Please, don't hit me. Please! I'm sorry. I didn't know it was your lunch, I swear!" she held her hands in front of her face, bracing for impact.

"Edward's my—What?" I was so prepared and recited for the "Edward's my boyfriend" ruse, I wasn't expecting anything more. Much less her…fear.

"I took your lunch. I didn't have one. I'm sorry. I thought it was abandoned, but after I opened it…and ate it, I saw where it said Bella. I saw how mad you were, and I kind of froze…and left. I thought you knew it was me." Veronica's breaths came out in heaves and she stepped back a few steps.

I had no idea what she was talking about until I remembered a week ago when my lunch 'disappeared' from the fridge. I amounted it up to Emmett taking it, but I had a bad day, so I wasn't in the best of moods. Probably why Veronica thought I was mad at her.

"No, that's okay. Wait, do I scare you?" I said the last sentence without thinking, which wasn't what I usually did. Okay, it _was_ what I usually did, but I didn't mean to say it now.

Veronica's tone dropped a few volume levels, "A little."

My shoulders relaxed and I looked around me. I felt safe to now, since I wasn't watching her every move, waiting for the swing, and I saw Edward behind her, waving for my attention. He mouthed "tell her" over and over.

"Oh…well…hmm…what's up with you and Edward?" I was never very good at changing subjects. No, I was good at it; I just wasn't very…subtle.

Her face changed a few shades. So she wasn't—"He's cute. Don't you think?"

If she only knew…"We're dating." I said the words with such…truth that I almost believed myself for a minute. It felt natural to say it. I felt giggly and ticklish inside when I said it.

We both heard a hiss come from behind Veronica, where Edward was. She was going to turn to see what it was before I stopped her, this was my chance "Oh, I have to go, but I just wanted to tell you that. He's a little on the self-conscious side and he gets all hissy when he thinks another girl likes him. He's all about me nowadays, and I have to do his dirty work for him, so it would make mine and his life a whole lot easier if you just kind of toned the liking him down a few notches, okay?" I talked faster than I thought she could understand, because she just stared at me for a second. Well, stared with her one exposed eye.

"Wait, you think I like him?" her tone rose a few octaves, and I prepared for the worst.

"You said he was cute," I stated.

She adjusted a few of the chains on her pants and watched me closely, "Yeah, I said he was cute. That's it. I don't like him. I'm dating a guy up in Port Angeles anyway."

So she doesn't like girls at all. That's a shock. "Oh," I was still in shock, "well, I guess this was all a big misunderstanding. I'm sorry for any inconvenience." I was embarrassed beyond anything else and I saw Edward, standing in the middle of the hall behind Veronica, mouth dropped into a wide O.

Edward saw me coming, and Veronica turning around, and dashed back into his hiding spot, "Wait," Veronica's voice stopped my red-faced exit, "I'm happy for you two." The look on her face was of pure happiness and enjoyment.

I was quite confused.

She continued, "Yeah, I know, I don't know you two at all, but I am very observant. I saw the way he always looked at you, and what he would say. I'm just surprised it took him so long." She finished her observations, chuckled, and began walking toward the cafeteria.

I stood watching her walk away, speechless. She saw it? Veronica? The girl no one talked to. The girl Edward and I had one class with? She saw how everyone says Edward feels about me? I should have been happy about what seemed so obvious to everyone else, but I wasn't. I was…lonely.

The images of the past years we had together flashed through my head all at once, making me slightly dizzy. I saw Edward smiling, laughing, playing, teasing, helping, and watching... me. All at me. Never at anyone else. He laughs at the jokes _I _tell. He smiles at the little things _I_ do. He plays with _my_ hair when he gets bored. He teases _me_ about my height and any other thing he sees fit at the time. He helps _me_ when I need it. And he watches _me_ when he thinks I can't see. I see. I see it all. But what's stopping him?

I felt two hands come up and grab me from behind into a warm, heart-pounding bear hug, "You did great! I'm so proud of you, but I can't see why she isn't in love with me. Ah, who cares, you fixed it!" My head was pressed against his chest and it wasn't only _my_ heart that was pounding.

**-hops back- Did you like it? Hmmmm? I'm never going to know unless you review......**


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